Hammy vs. the Pop Machine

So I go to get a soda. Diet Coke, just like always. I go through about four cans a day at work I figure, and today is starting off no different. I have my fifty cents. For me, it's a brave thing to approach a soda machine with fifty cents, and expect to walk away with a soda. Today I am feeling froggy, so I chance it. I walk up to the soda machine, put my fifty cents in (two quarters) and push the 'diet coke' button. One quarter falls out of the coin return below, and nothing else happens. *sigh* I bend down, get my quarter, and put it back in the slot with the 'special back spin' that the coke machine likes for me to do for it, especially early in the morning. Success, no quarter droppage. I push the 'diet coke' button. And there is whirring. Not a good whirring, but a sick sounding whirring, as if something bad is happening. Now, on this machine, there are actually *two* diet coke buttons - maybe just for me, who knows, but the fact of the matter is that I panicked and half-way through the sickening whirrrr sound I hit 'diet coke' button number two, thinking that this will set the machine straight, and I will score my soda. This seems to anger the coke machine, and it starts to make a chugging sound and drops something down below. I bend down to pick it up. F---ing Fresca. The machine Fresca'd me. I check the other buttons on the soda machine to assure myself that Fresca was actually an option and that someone wasn't just screwing with me. It was, at the very bottom button. Great. So I stalk back to my desk, and give the Fresca to a passer-by in the hall after a rather brief conversation. "want a Fresca?'. I get back to my desk and dig through my change drawer which has about $45 in pennies, and as luck would have it, one quarter, one dime, and three nickels. So I gather up my change and walk back to the coke machine. It's smiling at me, I know it. I walk up and put in my change. One quarter, one dime, and three nickels. No droppage, we are good. I slowly push 'diet coke' button number one. There is whirring. I wait. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, you know the rest. The whirring continues for several seconds, and then the 'sold out' light flashes. Okay, fine, I think. I cautiously press 'diet coke' button number two. The 'sold out' light remains flashing. This sucks. Whenever the coke machine is out of diet coke, I have to make due with diet Pepsi. I don't really like diet Pepsi, but it beats Fresca when you want caffeine. 'Fine' I think. I hit the change return button, and change drops out. Not a lot of drops though, just two. I gather two quarters (wtf, excuse me? okay, whatever. . .) from the change tray, and head off to the Pepsi machine. I put my quarters in the Pepsi machine, and we have droppage. I bend down, get the quarter, and put it back in again. Again droppage. *sigh* I get the quarter from the change tray again. It's Canadian. One sideways glance to the Coke machine, and I see it shaking with laughter. I throw the quarter at it. The dinging sound is not satisfying. I go downstairs and out to my car, grab another stupid quarter from the change tray, re-scan my badge, go back upstairs and put my other quarter in the Pepsi machine. Success. Success as measured by my f---ed up standards, anyway. I wipe off the top of the can on my way back to my cube, sit down, and pop the top. The little top-popper thing breaks mid-way through; the can opens just enough to let some fizz come out and roll down the sides, but not enough to actually drink from. Touche' mr. soda machine... Touche'