The Treadmill Saga

The following takes place several years ago, following the purchase of a treadmill at a local sporting goods store. . .

10:00 : Went to U-Haul. Tried to get a moving truck with a ramp and a dolly, because it would be easier and cheaper (surprisingly) than renting a pickup truck and dolly.

10:15 : The inbred idiots in line in front of me are finally gone in their $19.95 a day moving truck, the kind that I want to get too.

10:16 : Clerk informs me that they are out of $19.95 a day moving trucks,but they have some brand new ones that are the same size that he will rent me for $29.95. Figured that it wasn't worth it, so asked for a pickup truck and a dolly.

10:20 : Picking my nose.

10:25 : I went out to the parking lot to do the damage inspection for the truck. I marked up the whole sheet, so as to avoid a fight later about whether or not I made that particular scratch on the bumper. Clerk didn't seem to care.

10:30 : Waiting to turn left on Aurora.

10:35 : On my way in the truck. It smells funny inside.

10:50 : Arrived at Sports Authority. After some humming and hawing, they decide to get my treadmill out from the back. They were surprised that they still had one. Noticed a 'free home delivery and installation' package advertised for treadmills. Didn't even want to know. Figured I had the situation in hand anyway.

11:00 : Talked Bob into helping me load the treadmill into the U-Haul truck. Damn that thing was heavy. Noted that the box had 'Warning, fragile electronic equipment inside' writing all over it. Noted that I had forgotten get the dolly. Crap.

11:10 : On the highway, headed for home. Beginning to wonder whether or not I can handle the 300+ pound box, which is absolutely huge.

11:15 : Arrived home. Tried to move treadmill out of pickup bed. Open tailgate is about 1/4 inch higher than the bottom of the bed. There is no way I can slide the damn box out.

11:20 : Finally done trying to strong arm it out of the pickup. Arms shaking and back hurts. Remembered something about levers from physics class. Retrieved two shovels from the garage.

11:21 : Managed to work shovels under one end of the box. Shovel heads look like they will make excellent steel feet to help the box slide over the inner tailgate ledge. Hauled back and shoved.

11:22 : Treadmill box on driveway, remarkably still upright.

11:23 : Start to work the box towards the door of the house. Wet sidewalk is amazing in its ability to hold a box fast, yet make the soles of your shoes extra-slippery.

11:30 : Opened the door to the house, took off coat and threw keys on the couch. Proceeded to work box into the doorway.

11:31 : Box wedged tight. Cant move box, can't close door, can't get keys. Looks grim.

11:32 : Box magically moves far enough inside to close door. Get keys and start up truck.

11:35 : Re-fuel truck.

11:40 : Returned truck to U-Haul.

11:45 : Waiting to turn left on Aurora.

11:50 : Cut off four people. Gave everyone in sight the finger. Escort doesn't move very fast anymore.

12:00 : At home. Debating whether to try to move the box out of the livingroom, or not. Figure that my wife would kill me if I left it there.

12:15 : Ecountered another lovely obstacle - the lip of the floor running into the laundry room. Found out I can deadlift 200 pounds, even with my weak back. Better than I thought I could do.

12:20 : Box in place. Want to make sure I didn't break anything inside. Search begins for an exacto knife.

12:21 : Tried to cut box open with scissors. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.. That was cute.

12:24 : Decide to use my little knife that I found in the Escort. Worked great!

12:30 : Saw the words 'Space Saver' inside the box. Space saver my ass. You could fold the treadmill up and store it in, say, a two car garage - provided that you could find a way to move it.