Hammy and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I went to sleep with a glass of water on my night stand, and now there’s water on the floor. And when I got out of bed this morning I tripped over the laundry basket and by mistake I cut the under part of my nose while shaving. And I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day because when I got to Starbucks I asked for a chocolate doughnut, and I was told that they didn’t have those anymore, and that a plain one would have to do. And then they gave me a latte instead of a mocha, and when I sipped it I burned my tongue. And while I was arguing with the barista about my mocha, someone gave me a new door ding in the parking lot and then drove off. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, that’s what it was because after leaving Starbucks I had to sit in traffic for an hour and a half. Who gets out of bed at 6am to sit on the freeway for an hour and a half? ‘I hope you all own shares of BP!’ I shouted. ‘I hope that a dog totals your Prius!’ I shouted, shaking my steering wheel. All the shaking made my doughnut fall on the floor of the truck. I think I’ll move to Australia.

When I got to work, Mark had a Jelly roll with his Mocha. Brett had some lemon cookies and a cup of tea. Guess who still had a lonely, tepid latte? At meeting time the boss said that my numbers didn’t look right, and at the other meeting time I got action items. Who needs action items? ‘Make those numbers right by next week’ he said. ‘Next week’, I said, ‘I’m moving to Australia’.

I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I told everyone. No one even answered.

At lunch time I spilled soup on my shirt, I got pee on my pants, and I bit my tongue. The boss wants to go to the conference with Mark, not with me. And Brett took back the stapler he said I could keep, and the soda machine was out of diet coke, and I broke my pen.

When I went home I had to make mac and cheese for the kids, and I hate mac and cheese. And the baby needed changing, and I hate changing. And "Cupcake Wars' was on TV, and I hate 'Cupcake Wars'. And the school left a message that said that one of our kids was ‘a really neat kid’ but that they needed to talk with us about him. And Sally wants to sleep on her side of the bed, and not with me.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

...I guess some days are like that. Even in Australia.